Red Chilli, Great Portland St, Manchester

Great expectations after reading in the Guardian a couple of weeks ago that this was worth a detour, if only to look at the names of the dishes. Would you eat something called Mrs Spotty's Bean Curd, a confection devised, apparently, by a leper? You ought to - it's lovely. I could not bring myself to order His 'n' Hers Sliced Lung, however. The predominant flavours on the menu are Sichuan, but there's other stuff for less robust appetites.

To start: prawn crackers and spring rolls - both quite okay; shredded mange tout in a sesame dressing and shredded chicken in a sauce. The mange tout was wonderfully refreshing and the perfect foil to the sauce on the chicken which, on a first tasting, seemed almost like a Thai peanut sauce but then, after a few seconds, shot flame from the bituminous regions of hell, detonating pepper corns in the back of the throat.

Mains were the aforementioned bean curd, served with a minced beef sauce and with a side order of Beijing dumplings, both pictured, filled with meat paste and veg, and, for the girls, shredded chicken with peanuts, peas, beans and pepper. A little too spicy for them, but the whole thing was so nicely done and with such nice staff that they want to go back to eat something like sweet and sour battered chicken. £48 for three including soft drinks.

Cappuccino count: 8/10. Some like it hot. Lots of favourable reviews on the web.

The Angel, Bury St Edmunds, Suffolk

Eighteenth century grandeur in the town square and slap bang opposite the abbey ruins and the cathedral. Pictures show a building encrustulated with ivy, although most of it has been cut down. Still very grand.

A quick lunch: terrine of Suffolk ham with piccalilli served in a few leaves; rare tuna steak on green beans and skinned blanched peppers. My companion opted for mozzarella salad followed by beautiful little hand-wrought tortellini parcels with a cheesy filling. All delicious and beautifully presented, though this is another place where photographing the food would be to invite ejection.

£35 with a couple of drinks and a couple of double of espressos.

Cappuccino count: 7/10. A genteel experience. Food very good.

EV, Isabella St, Waterloo

Sorry there's no photo. I was so hungry, flustered and impatient that the plates were half empty before I realised. EV is in railway arches and includes a bar, deli and restaurant. Close by (20-minute walk in different directions) are branches of Tas, part of the same firm.

Started with a meze sampler with humus, kisir (crushed walnuts, oil, mint etc), dolma, tarama, kozda platlican (egg plant, tomato, garlic), felafal, some yogurty things, bit of bread. Followed with deep-fried squid in a sweet sauce and, slightly disappointing, koftie of lamb and pine nuts. But overall, very good and a lovely location. Just very relaxed.

Cappuccino count: 7/10. Staff really lovely but run off their feet on an unexpectedly busy Saturday afternoon. Will go again.

Patisserie Valerie, Old Compton St, Soho

I was asked recently to take a look at The French House in Dean St. It looks rather marvellous and I've made a mental note to sit in on a weekday afternoon, maybe in a month or two, with a bottle of something and to stare out of the window the while. But since I had one of my daughters with me, that particular avenue of pleasure was closed today. Instead, Patisserie Valerie, just around the corner in Old Compton St, provided the ideal alternative. The window showcases cakes decorated with swirls, curls and unimagined constructions of chocolate, lovely heaps of fruit and heart-stopping dollops of cream. All is yummy.

Once inside, it is best to go upstairs in the hope of getting a window seat. Failing that, anywhere will do. Smoking is allowed in half the room, though only until the general ban is introduced on July 1. Other than on public health grounds, this is regrettable: the place conjurs up smoky French provincialism of the 1950s and is the better for it.

The order was: citron presse for two, a pot of Colombian coffee, various sorts of club sandwiches, a little chocolate moussy thing and a raspberry tart with shortcrust pastry and filled with confectioners' custard. The sandwiches are prepared freshly on toasted granary bread and packed with meat, cheese, tomato, mayonnaise. Absolutely delicious. I can't say that the cakes are made on the premises but they were equally lovely. Lunch for two: £27.

Cappuccino count: 9/10. Very good.

Ikea Lakeside, Heron Way, West Thurrock

No visit to pine furniture Valhalla would be complete without a stop for meatballs, berry sauce, gravy, chips, a nice little franzipane cake with an iced top and a cup of coffee. I don't know what meat is in the balls or what berries are in the sauce but I do know that the gravy is similar in colour and texture to lathe coolant and, to continue the image, the chips are like swarf. You get 15 meatballs in a regular serving, 20 in les grande edition. Also on the menu is haddock in breadcrumbs, garden peas and chips with a slice of lemon and a sachet of Heinz tartar sauce. All the food is left on a hot counter, which is handy because the service is so desperately slow, as it is at the checkout. Coffee ok. £10.70 at the till.

Cappuccino count: 2/10. As with all junkfood, you are hungry 20 minutes later.

Little Chef, eastbound A14, Kettering

The inexorable slide towards awfulness continues, and there's not far to go now. Yet I remain fond of the brand and wish dearly that Little Chef was not in such straits. The order was a double Olympic burger - two 6oz patties of head, hoof and hide, bacon, cheese, onion rings, chips, lettuce, relish, tomato (£7.49) - and a mug of coffee (£1.69). Problems: the coffee was dreadful, either instant or too long in a jug. The burger came with ciabatta, which is simply not done - it has to be a soft, white bun. Decor shabby and staff trying their best but, I would guess, quite demotivated.

Cappuccino count: 1/10. Did not finish.

Piccolino, 33 Pepper Row, Chester

A Roman city - Deva - with chain-restaurant Italian food and the occasional re-enactment society centurion clanking by on the pavement across the road. One of them had forgotten to take off his wrist watch.

Anyway, Piccolino. I ate at a branch in Manchester a couple of months back and thought it quite good but a little expensive. The food is lovely, though, as ever, you're likely to eat better if you find an independent. The girls and I started with a thin pizza base doused in garlic butter and covered in passata, plus a basket of warmed focaccia served with bottles of extra virgin and balsamic vinegar to drizzle. Delicious.

Mains were: penne with meatballs for Lucifer; troffiette with torn chicken and asparagus for The Blonde; pollo valdostana (pictured) for me. This was chicken breast coated in very fine breadcrumbs, topped with mozzarella and stuffed with Parma ham. Good taste and texture to everything, chicken especially good. It came with a few slices of roasted pepper and a very light tomato sauce. Steamed spring veg with basil butter was a side order.

Unusually, the girls decline desserts, opting to share a plate of pralines. I had affogatto - a vanilla scoop in a shot of amaretto and with cold espresso poured over: easily one of the best puddings I've ever eaten, a brilliant taste combination with warmth and a good finish from the amaretto and amazing bitterness from the coffee.

£60 when a further double espresso and soft drinks were added, so not a cheap feed.

Cappuccino count: 7/10. No complaints about the food, except that there isn't quite enough of it for the price. Staff very polite and obliging.

The Red Lion, The Square, Bakewell

Chicken curry with rice and a poppadom, the poppadom resembling in texture a bit of badly flaky whitewash or bubbling paintwork. Maybe in taste too. Chicken ok but I am under no illusion that the sauce was carefully handcrafted in the kitchen using a mix of spices. Also, at nearly eight quid, it was a bit pricey.

Cappuccino count: 2/10. Appalling farts.

Le Flore de l'Ile, 42 Quai d'Orleans, Ile Saint Louis

A salon de the rather than anything more elaborate, but with Notre Dame over your left shoulder, the river a couple of yards away, and the Latin Quarter across it, who needs elaborate? In short, Paris all rolled up into a little ball of deliciousness, though, happily, without too many braying imbecile tourists, it being a mid week afternoon. Now, I am no stranger to hyperbole, but I ordered a ham omelette expecting something nice but ordinary. What came was possibly the best omelette I have ever eaten, solid and weighty on the plate yet as light as a mayfly's wing in the mouth, the egg like a pancake on the outside and still just about runny in the centre. Gorgeous ham and just a touch of salt for seasoning. A white plate dressed with a sprig or parsley and some tiny slivers of tomato. It really doesn't get any better than that.

Extras: Pastis, fine; nibbles, fine; bread and butter, fine; a club sandwich with deliciously sweet chips, like Spanish ones, fine; two grand double espressos, wow; a plate of nice little choccies, yum. 41 euros and I would have paid half as much again it was so good.

Cappucino count: 9/10. Don't tell the rosbifs.

The Dog and Bell, Prince St, Deptford

Take a stroll down Watergate St, SE8, turning left into Prince St, part of the route of the Thames Path. The Dog and Bell is on the left. In the bar a few locals are perched on stolls drinking and yacking. Today's papers are piled up on a table near the door, wood pannelling above the bar displays a handsome collection of beermats. A nice little backstreet pub. The usual sort of pub food is available but all I fancied was a bowl of chips with some mayo. Perfectly good. The chips were hot and fluffy inside and not at all greasy. I shall certainly go back and try other things. A couple of pints of London Pride washed it down. Two bowls of chips, around £4, two rounds of drinks, around £7.

Cappaccino count: 8/10. Worth a detour. Here's the website.

La Tasca, Queen's Square, Liverpool

One of a chain of friendly tapas bars with branches nationwide. Food totally yummy, good service and plenty of seating inside and out. Gets busy at weekends. My daughters can be finicky but swarmed over the seven plates we ordered - potatoes in a spicy sauce; slice of tortilla; a skewer of char-grilled chicken; seafood paella; lovely big prawns done with garlic; meatballs in a tomato and bean stew; salad with tuna and boiled egg. They additionally devoured a slice each of the most beautiful cheesecake I've tried - the top tangy and with lumps of dark chocolate and a marvellous flavour of oranges. No trace whatsoever of the sugary afterburn you get with so many chain-restaurant desserts.

With soft drinks and a highly acceptable double espresso, the bill was £46, and there was no rush or fuss. I really like it when I can get the girls to try something new - in this instance the langustinos and squid.

Cappuccino count: 8/10. Fun food, fun place. You can get better tapas but you have to look for them in independent places.