Poplar 2000 services, Junction 20, M6

... or, Lymm truck stop, of blessed memory, a place where mere motorists were formerly seldom seen. It was redeveloped a good few years ago and has a McDonald's and a Travelodge though we shall confine ourselves to the homely cafe where a full English breakfast - two bacon, two sausage, one fried egg on a slice of buttered toast, beans or tomatoes (sometimes both, depending on who is serving) is on sale for £4.20. Very appealing to my inborn Lancashire meanness.

I had hoped to publish a photograph of the fare but lost my nerve at the table. The place is full of dolts who would wail at anyone doing such a thing, accuse them of trying to steal their souls and send for the manager, leading to a nightmarish conversation along the lines of: "I'm afraid we don't allow customers to four-tow-graph the food, sir, I shall have to ask you to put down your knife and fork immediately and leave, or turn over your mobile telephone to me." "It's for my blog." "Be that as it may, sir, rules is rules - and you're frightening our other guests. Now, if you don't hand it over, I shall have to get our Eugene to come up from the boiler room with his coal shovel"...

Apart from the breakfast plate, I had a mug of something purporting to be coffee and an Eccles cake, the latter having been manufactured in Coventry. Total: £5.35.

Cappuccino count: 4/10. The food is crap, unless you like greasy breakfasts, in which case it is excellent. Transport canteen decor; good for watching people and being sneakily pass-remarkable about them. Don't forget to keep your till receipt, which entitles you to free parking at the local angioplasty clinic.